Knowing is Clearly Not Enough.
Posting to “Changing Positions” has been somewhat of a challenge for me. I really try to think about the best way to strike a balance between celebrating sex and desire, and talking about the very real risk that can be associated with sex. Talking about risk is not sexy…bottom line. It pisses me off that something so beautiful and natural can also be seen as “risky”.
Having said that, this week I’ve been thinking about the logic of risk. Anyone who has been awake at any point in the past 25+ years knows how HIV is transmitted. When we try to understand infection rates that have increased or at the very least remained consistent, we can rule out whether or not people understand the disease. Save for the occasional dip shit who bleeds my ear at a party trying to convince me that HIV doesn’t exist, everyone pretty much gets it.
So it’s clear that it’s not about knowing…or understanding. Knowing all the facts does not result in healthier behaviors. So what is it about? What cancels out what we know?
This is what I came up with. The top ten reasons I think some of us don’t consistently use condoms:
On paper, it seems really simple. Choose your partners wisely; always use condoms, blah, blah, blah. But life is not simple. And knowing is not enough.
Is there something missing from this list? I didn’t place it in any specific order, but you can. Just copy and paste the list in the correct order according to you. Or tell me I’m full of shit.
Having said that, this week I’ve been thinking about the logic of risk. Anyone who has been awake at any point in the past 25+ years knows how HIV is transmitted. When we try to understand infection rates that have increased or at the very least remained consistent, we can rule out whether or not people understand the disease. Save for the occasional dip shit who bleeds my ear at a party trying to convince me that HIV doesn’t exist, everyone pretty much gets it.
So it’s clear that it’s not about knowing…or understanding. Knowing all the facts does not result in healthier behaviors. So what is it about? What cancels out what we know?
This is what I came up with. The top ten reasons I think some of us don’t consistently use condoms:
- It really feels good;
- The risks don’t scare me;
- I feel more connected to my partner ;
- He doesn’t use them, demanding condoms would kill the mood;
- I’m lonely…I’ll take whatever I can get;
- I’m eventually going to get infected anyway;
- The breeding boys seem to be having so much fun;
- He’s my life partner, we trust each other;
- It doesn’t feel the same with condoms;
- I was high;
On paper, it seems really simple. Choose your partners wisely; always use condoms, blah, blah, blah. But life is not simple. And knowing is not enough.
Is there something missing from this list? I didn’t place it in any specific order, but you can. Just copy and paste the list in the correct order according to you. Or tell me I’m full of shit.
Posts
"I’m eventually going to get infected anyway."
There is something about this statement or other versions of it such as: "I'm gonna die anyway," or "all I gotta do is stay black and die" that seems to be at the core of why many of us may too often make decisions to engage in "risky" behavior in the face of all the facts.
There is a fatalistic undercurrent that leads us to believe that we are less valuable and less worthy of saving because "the world" seems to value us less.
I believe there is something about experiencing oppression or rejection that may influence the way we value and in turn care for or protect ourselves. I think this may be true of many individuals who experience long standing oppression.
Perhaps, because we may believe that we are not worth saving, we begin to erase ourselves.
RwTR says
I feel something is missing from the list the fact that we as individuals do not value ourselves enough to appreciate and consider our own lives. We go through so much as gay men in society that and experience the negative stereotypes and discrimination that is force upon us in our everyday lives that we start to lose value of self and if i dont care about myself or what happens to me why should i care if i get HIV or anything else. Society says im worthless so why shouldnt i feel worthless and why should i care enough to save myself.
Anonymous says
I agree with what the other two posts stated so I won't repeat anything here, only second and third it.
One thing I feel is missing for me is "I know my partner(s)." I always make sure to take the time to get to know my partners (when possible) before having sex with them. By getting to know them I'll ask about past sexual experiences, HIV tests and results, STDs, last stuff they did sexually with anyone, what they'd like to do, and so on. I know I'll probably get the answer they think I want to hear or that they figure will still get them some dick or ass, but I'm having a conversation with them and making them think (AND TALK) about sex and what they do in a way they may not have in the past. It's not safe sex or safer sex, but helps me determine what I want to do before I get all horny and distracted.
Believe it or not it's pretty much worked for me. I don't use this info to wild out. I still enjoy sex, I just feel better that I've gotten to know my partner(s) a little more and they've gotten to know me.
My hope is that they'll do this with the next hot dick or fat ass they meet! ;-)
Anonymous says
Also alot of ppl say " I trust my partner, I know his status. Which is all bull. If you care for yourself you will use protection no matter what you think you know or how the condom feels. " Im going to get infected anyway" is something I never heard. Pretty stupid to say.
PA says
Also alot of ppl say " I trust my partner, I know his status. Which is all bull. If you care for yourself you will use protection no matter what you think you know or how the condom feels. " Im going to get infected anyway" is something I never heard. Pretty stupid to say.
PA says
that is the dumbest reasons i have ever heard in my life. i can not believe that people are really convincing themsselves that these reasons are justifable and content. i cant believe them, people should always protect themselves. the only excuse is no excuse