My Blog

"Traditional marriage" advocates take what they want from the bible and leave the rest. There are countless rules about what needs to happen before two people can get married. These rules were created a long time ago, and are based on what our society knew and believed at the time. As civilization has evolved, so to have those rules (except for the gay part). Traditional marriage in its current incarnation does not resemble marriages from even 50 years ago...and for good reason. Times have changed. We know more. It's 2009...and the fact that gay marriage is still up for discussion is profound.

So what does this have to do with RISK? (god that word is really starting to tear on me!). I'll tell you: Our straight counterparts live in a world that provides them with a range of models for relationships. True, these models don't always work...they're never perfect, but they exist. My straight friends grew up watching straight couples in their families, in public, and in the media. They received cues on how to start and maintain relationships. They learn what works and what didn't work by watching others. As their relationships were deemed normal, they could seek advice from nearly any elder. To be very clear, I would not suggest that they had every thing they needed to make their relationships work, but they could engage in trial an error without being ashamed.

Me and my gay friends on the other hand, have been forced to learn about our relationships through other, less varied and effective means. I came out at age 15 and witnessed my peers "learning" from 35/40 year olds who had just come out themselves. We learned from each other. We learned that gay relationships don't last. We figured our relationships don't benefit from the "traditional" conclusion that marriage provides, so what the fuck is the point?

We created our own paradigm--which has had it's benefits and it's drawbacks. On the benefits side, I think GLBT folk are forced to be more realistic about coupling, desire, and relationships than our straight counterparts. As the rules of "traditional relationships" don't apply to us, we've had to create our own. I think in some ways we are more equipped to acknowledge realistically the need for variety. The notion that 2 people meet and partner for life is not as rigid for us--for better or worse. On the fucked up side, there are GLBT folk who don't believe that their relationships - in whatever form they take - are as valid as that of our straight counterparts. Our trial and error period often comes without support, and can lead to dangerous consequences. Sharing one's body, particularly among men, is a literal substitute for love. When I talk with my straight friends, I'm shocked they don't use condoms consistently, and they're shocked that I don't think one night stands or anonymous sex are odd. Somehow, in our world, having sex with numerous casual partners, sharing fluids and not much else is normal. Wow.

This blog was inspired by filmmaker Keith Hartman's "The License", a short film which puts it's foot in the ass of the "traditional marriage" argument. I think you'll like it: